Make a tomato jealous

Alright, picture this: there I was, on a mission to conquer the grocery store with my trusty sidekick, my oldest child. Our quest? To procure a bag of dirt and some meat for dinner. Simple, right? Wrong.

First off, let's talk about this bag of dirt. It was practically a boulder disguised as a bag, easily weighing as much as a small elephant. Why did we think we could handle it? Beats me. But there it was, in our cart, precariously perched on one side like it was ready to stage a rebellion.

So, with the weight of the world (or at least 50 pounds of dirt) in our cart, we trudged through the aisles, me struggling to push this behemoth while trying to navigate to the meat section. Finally, after what felt like a marathon, we arrived. Victory was within our grasp.

But then, my dear child, bless their heart, decided they could take over the cart duties. Cue the wheels screeching in protest and the cart doing an epic tip maneuver. In a panic, I crouched down, only to realize I couldn't lift either the cart or the bag of dirt. Total mom fail moment.

With my face turning a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous and sweat slicker than a waterslide in July, I made eye contact with my kid and silently declared it was time to hightail it out of there. Enter Good Samaritan, stage left, who swooped in to help us right the cart.

As he left, probably muttering something about crazy moms and their oversized dirt bags, I was left standing there, trying to hear over the thunderous pounding of my own heartbeat. Cue the box breathing and the desperate attempt to avoid eye contact with my child.

After fumbling through the checkout, we emerged victorious, only to face the ultimate challenge: getting this monstrosity of a cart into the Jeep. Spoiler alert: I failed. Cue another kind stranger coming to our rescue.

Needless to say, I avoided that store like the plague for weeks after that ordeal. Lesson learned: never underestimate the power of a bag of dirt and the sheer chaos it can unleash in a grocery store.